In-Line Skating Rink

Wednesday, July 30, 2003 :
look!

a cold
drizzly day
following
thunder
last night...
but look
what i saw
under the white
sky on my way
to work
this morning.

Tuesday, July 29, 2003 :
even more madness on public transit...

Most of the day was quite nice, actually. A box of See's candy on the conference room table. A chair massage with candles in the office (our reward for reaching a sales goal). A beautiful pink sunset over Dolores Street on the way to Ruby's. Spaghetti and garlic bread and TV: Boy Meets Boy and Queer Eye For The Straight Guy with Ruby, Mark, and Tomi. Why do I eat uncontrollably at Ruby's?

Going home is when things get weird. First, the MUNI metro driver turns and smiles at me a couple of times while heading downtown. I smile back politely, and when we pulled into Embarcadero Station, he steps out of the driver's booth and strikes up a conversation. Wants to know my name. Hands me his (apparently homemade) business card -- T B Jr, Producer, Singer, President and CEO of Benstar Records -- in case I feel like calling and hanging out sometime. Um... yeah. Right.

Next, I'm waiting in the BART station when a kid (late teens -- early 20s maybe), seeing my newspaper, approaches and asks if I have the Sports Page. Just because I'm female I'm not going to read the Sports Page? The fact that I wouldn't have read the bloody Sports Page is not the point. So I give it to him, which is his opening to ask for more. Can I tell him how to get to Tracy? I have no idea, but I don't think you can take BART there. Can I lend him a dollar to get home? No way. I only have a dollar left myself, and at that point I am planning to use it for a bottle of water at the gym. Well, then will I come hang out with him in Modesto, since I'm so beautiful? Jesus! What's going on tonight? Um... I'm probably old enough to be your mother, I tell him. He doesn't believe I'm 38. I don't believe he's 29. You won't come with me because I'm Arab, right? he challenges. Yeah, that's it! I won't come to Modesto with an unknown male at midnight because he's Arab. How could he have guessed?!? Thankfully, he does not board my train.

I sit down and open the paper: "Pentagon to start futures market for terror attacks". Huh? I thought Michael was making this up when he told me about it this afternoon on the phone. As the article calls it, "An Internet gambling parlor, sponsored by the U.S. government..." that will allow people to "bet over the Web on such questions as whether Yasser Arafat will be assassinated or Turkey's government will be overthrown." I feel as if I'm sliding off the edge of the earth. Or as if someone yanked away the table cloth and the dishes are all slightly askew.

Where is the world that I know? I go straight home. Do not go to the gym. Do not even look at anyone else. I close my apartment door behind me and breathe. Then, open my second pair of Invisalign aligners and put them on, almost a week too soon. They hurt. Good. Just now I need to feel that something is moving the way I want it to.

Monday, July 28, 2003 :
more bad boys on bart...

Met with Kitty Kotzebue and her partners at The Resource Corner. I'll be going to their office the last Monday of each month to do an hour or two of bookkeeping. But the really exciting thing is that I get to edit their web page, too. I showed Kitty the page I did for Aunt Ann's intranet, and she asked me if I knew HTML. "Do I know HTML? Ha! Child's play!" I said. Okay, I didn't really say that. But I did look at the code for their page and assure her that I could do whatever editing they need. So who are my web design clients at this point? Ruby, Jon Bernie (not up yet), Aunt Ann's (private), and now The Resource Corner. Oh, and of course, myself. Anybody want a web site?

Met up with Mark afterwards and walked with him to Meditation. Nice and uneventful. Afterwards, had a bowl of minestone soup at Chow before going to the gym on Market Street. The BART ride home, once again, was filled with drunken young men. These guys I didn't talk to, just watched with amusement as they swung like monkeys from the overhead railings and did flips and other gymnastic stunts. My first reaction was annoyance until I really started paying attention to them. Such exuberance. Such delight in their bodies and what those bodies can do. Of course, they were trying to impress a couple of girls who were with them. Why weren't the girls doing somersaults, too?

Sunday, July 27, 2003 :
freaky dreams... fine art... free food...

Dreams about death and dementia last night -- the first dreams I've entered into my Dream Log. Called Mark to make sure the parts about him were not true.

Art and more free food at a benefit for Brenda Prager, founder and curator of the Addison Street Windows Gallery. Brenda Prager was diagnosed with terminal end-stage cancer a month ago. I never knew who she was, but have enjoyed the Addison Street Windows every day on my walk to BART. (Pictures of the windows are now in the "Art Around Town" section of the Gallery. Many artists donated work to the show. The most moving work, though, were 3 large embroidered and painted photographs done by Brenda Prager herself: grandmother in knee-high support hose, daughter asleep in flannel shirt, flower in bud vase. They were not for sale. According to her daughter, Prager has done 20 of these works and never shown any of them before these three. Unfortunately, Prager was too sick to be at the benefit and couldn't enjoy the acclaim her pieces received.

Based on our successful foraging this weekend, Michael and I have decided to eat for free as often as we can. Apparently the Hare Krishnas have a free vegetarian banquet every Sunday evening. You just have to listen to their plug. Can't be worse than a time-share promo, can it?

Saturday, July 26, 2003 :
fatigue... flying... function not fantasy... fun not fear... free food...

soooooo exhausted this morning... why? and stomach in knots... stayed home from meditation group steering committee meeting... too bad; it was the first one... up (finally) and out at 4:30pm... sigh... walked down to Berkeley marina to catch the "tail end" of the kite festival (pictures here)... then on to Oshi's Modern Combatives martial arts school open house, where they explained the theory of functional martial arts and fed as LOTS of free food... and back to Michael's for more sleep...

Hey, remember where to stash your trash because we are:

Friday, July 25, 2003 :
friday...

It's Tom Collins!

So last night, met up with Michael downtown and walked around aimlessly. Got ice cream from Thrifty (now Rite Aid); tried to see Finding Nemo again on digital screen, but the Metreon didn't have it; bowled a game in Yerba Buena center (Michael made 2 spares and a strike! I made... well, we won't go there.); thought about ice skating but decided to wait for a night when the rink isn't so crowded with loud scary teenagers; rode home on the bus; got pizza and Chinese food and diet coke and watched Laurel Canyon on DVD. Frances McDormand is just soooo hot.

Thanks for the fruit salad recipe, Mark!

Thursday, July 24, 2003 :
disgusted...

What is the difference between Yahoo publishing photos of Sadam Hussein's dead sons and Al Jazeera showing the video of dead and captured American soldiers during the war? The United States was sooooo self-righteous about that incident. Now the first thing I see when I turn on my computer today is a photo of Qusai's dead, bloody body. I feel like throwing up.

Claustrophobia is all over me today. So many wrong things in this world, and I can't get away from them. Even gravity -- can't escape it. And this body... these aligners are making me crazy. My gums are sore, and each time I take them out to eat, I have to brush my teeth and brush the aligners before I put them back in. It makes snacking nearly impossible. But not wearing them is not an attractive alternative because of the rough cement nodules on my teeth that irritate my tongue. And that makes me feel trapped, impeded, caged. I had the same feeling on the elliptical trainer at the gym tonight. Boxed in. Restrained. Yeah, even though no one is forcing me to do these things. But if I don't... this body holds me, requires maintenance. I don't have children, but I still have to take care of myself. I'm not complaining, mind you. Just describing a feeling.

Wednesday, July 23, 2003 :
illumination...

Whew! I just finished posting Real Audio excerpts from a City Arts & Lectures interview of Jonathan Safran Foer in the library. I listened to the interview on July 2 and have finally found the time to upload clips as well as write my own commentary on Foer and his book, Everything Is Illuminated. I think the interview clips are funny and insightful and just really enjoyable to listen to. Feel free to scroll down and skip all my verbiage if you just want to listen. I won't be offended. Whoever you are. Click here for interview and book notes!

Jo Anne is away in Kansas until next Tuesday, so I am all alone in the accounting office doing both our jobs. It's mostly nice and quiet. I enjoy working with Jo Anne, but I also like the solitude.

Got a nice surprise email from Keely this afternoon. I haven't seen her since 2001 and our last email exchange was over a year ago. I've missed her.

Oh, also I won tickets to see Chicago at the Golden Gate Theater on Wednesday, Aug 6! This is the second MyBart drawing I have won. Michael thinks I'm lucky enough to run through forests blindfolded.

Tuesday, July 22, 2003 :
This is something to be happy about?

I'm sorry, America. I just can't get excited about the news that the U.S. has found and killed Sadam Hussein's sons, Uday and Qusay. I'm sure they were really bad guys. I'm sure many Iraqis are glad they are dead. Ding Dong and all. But killing people, no matter how heinous their crimes, is not something I can cheer about. It makes me sad. It makes me sad that we have such a cavalier attitude. I'm not saying the US did the wrong thing. Frankly, I'm not even sure that right and wrong are relevant distinctions here. I'm just saying that taking someone else's life is not something to celebrate. That's all.

Monday, July 21, 2003 :
even more eating...

...at Sue Collins' baby shower yesterday. (Pictures Here!) Chips, guacamole, pizza, caesar salad, chocolate cake, pecan bars, butter cookies, lemon bars, cream puffs, wine and punch and iced coffee... help me! The party was at Denise's house in San Rafael where the weather is WARM and the dogs (Jake and Skip) are actually nice.

Then today... well, here's a picture. Can you tell what I did today?

No? You can't? Well, look closer...

Still no? Okay, once more even closer...

It's Invisalign! The invisible braces! In under 2 years, I'll have beautiful straight teeth. Provided I wear my aligners religiously, brush my teeth after every meal, avoid sweet beverages while wearing the aligners, and most important -- don't lose them like I did my retainers when I was a teenager! I guess we'll see how much I have or have not matured since then.

Saturday, July 19, 2003 :
another party...

Ruby's big summer barbecue! Pictures Here! Turkey burgers, potato salad, fruit salad (Hey, Mark! Email me your recipe and I will post it here!), avocado, kettle corn, ice cream, strawberries, and then seconds... and then thirds. Second big eating day this week. But that's pretty much unavoidable at Ruby's house.

Friday, July 18, 2003 :
I'm a web designer!

Yay! I get to design and build Aunt Ann's new company intranet site. This is going to be fun! Also, Jon Bernie has asked me to do the web site for the meditation group. And you know about Ruby's massage web site. Also, I may have another small gig doing bookkeeping for Kitty Kotzebue, our new sales training consultant. Yesterday was just one big party in the office.

Today is warm and slow. I slept until noon. Now doing laundry and working on my web site some more. Got to go out and deposit my paycheck and return a cable box to Comcast. How can one small person stand so much excitement?

Thursday, July 17, 2003 :
comic relief...

Coming home on the train early this morning (caught the last train from Daly City at 12:10AM) I met 2 new people: Brad and Alex. One very drunk guy and one almost sober. Brad asked me what I had been doing tonight. "Working on my web page," I told him. He slurred something like, "Could there be anything more fun?" And I said, "Yeah, spreadsheets." That cracked him up. "Spreadsheets!" he called out to everyone on the train over and over until Alex made him stop. Brad was like a bad puppy. Alex and I kept having to push him back into his seat every time he tried to climb over into mine. For some reason, I couldn't get mad. It was just all so funny. So Alex, if you remembered my web address and are reading this, "Hi." And Brad, hope your hangover is not too bad... and I hope you never find out where I live!

Later: Reading over old stories and poems from the last decade. Where have all my words gone? The ones that used to spill from my pen or lips as easily as milk or apple juice on the floor. Words like "frenetic" or "excrescence" or "weft." Where are all the bodily fluids that would soak my writing back in the day when the words on the page were the only sex I could count on? And when my body was something I carted around carelessly, ignored in favor of the images in my head.

See, now that I've returned to this flesh; dropped the excess weight that flattened my feet and pushed acid up my gullet; worked these muscles, lungs, this heart; taken the pills that soothe the soreness in my brain; and learned, finally, how to breathe, I find I have little to say. Sex? Yes, I like it. Piercing, flogging, tattoos? What for? The supply of angers and regrets is nearly used up. There's no one here to tell me to go to bed now, but if there were, and if they did, I probably would.

What need for words when there are prunes and green tea in the morning, a whistling tea kettle, a sink of dishes to wash, and warm, clean laundry to smell as I put it away?

Wednesday, July 16, 2003 :
reflections...

Sad news: House Rejects International Family Assistance

I stepped through the door of the accounting office a few minutes ago and was suddenly overwhelmed by the impossibility of absolutely everything. It only lasted a couple of seconds and then lifted as suddenly as it had descended.

Anyway, I want to talk more about my experiment avoiding mirrors the other day. I put a blanket over the bathroom door and a towel over the medicine cabinet mirror. I took down the shower mirror and thought I was safe, until I caught my reflection in the glass etegere door over the toilet. This is tough. On the way to work, I looked at myself automatically in a couple of store windows and once on BART and then looked away. I pretty much had to keep my head down. Michael suggested dressing like a Muslim woman. You think I could?

Isn't it strange that the part of the body most used to identify someone, the face, cannot be seen directly by its owner. That saying, "You can't see yourself as others see you," is true in the most literal sense. Other people see us from all angles. We only see our flat reflections in mirrors. Or our shadows on the wall or sidewalk, which reveal not how we reflect light but how we block it.

Other people are mirrors for us as well. The manner in which we are treated reveals not only the character of another person, but also a reflection of ourselves in their eyes. Maybe this is a way to develop compassion. If you can only see yourself through others, then maybe, eventually, you actually begin to see yourself IN others. The separations -- can they begin to dissolve?

Why is external appearance so important?

Here's an exercise: Mornings. I wrote this story on the train to work as I was avoiding looking at myself in the window. The narrator has a physical disability. Can you figure out what it is?

Tuesday, July 15, 2003 :
negotiations...

Meeting at 4pm with Denise and Jay Silverstein, our accountant at Moss Adams, to negotiate fee settlement. They want to charge us $11,000 for the corporate tax returns. We think they are high! (And not on life.) They made sooooo many mistakes on those tax returns and took months and months to get them done, and when finally, we consult another accountant for a second opinion, we find that they are still not correct. We have paid too much tax.

Jay seems nervous. His face twitches. His mouth is dry. I am self-righteous and antagonistic. Superior. Separate. I list my complaints. I tell him that frankly, I'm worried about his other clients who don't have someone like me to check Moss Adams' work and make sure it is correct. He is a silent. I'm being an asshole.

Then, there is a moment, as the afternoon sun passes over his face, blurring his features, that I think I could maybe summon up some compassion. See him as human, like me. Doing the best he can. I offer him cinnamon coffee cake. Smile. Perhaps even breathe. The moment lasts only until the sun drops behind a neighbor's roof, and the fluorescent ceiling light regains control of our vision.

He isn't authorized to make a deal with us. I wonder why he even came.

Monday, July 14, 2003 :
Peace on earth, good food and Goodwill towards me!

Lilya's electrolysis needle: a new kind of pain. Not as intense as tattooing, but still, eyebrows are sensitive. Then, lunch with Ruby at my favorite reasonably-priced SF restaurant: Chow. An hour at the gym and more clothes from Goodwill.

Fell asleep during Monday night meditation. Then woke up and went to "the chair" to talk with Jon about fear. The Big Fear of not knowing, of being punished. Please don't hurt me; all I want is a little peace. All these tears again. This crying and the great big heart in the sky. Some laughter. Funny how each emotion gives way to the next. Arises, dissolves, and arises again. Pain and joy not so different from one another.

Sunday, July 13, 2003 :
Johnny Depp rocks!

Yesterday, Michael and I walked to Emeryville to see Pirates of the Caribbean. Beautiful, balmy day. Ice cream at Fosters Freeze. Hot dog and soda and peanut M&Ms in the movie theater. The most fun I've had at the movies since... well okay, since Finding Nemo. What can I say? Disney's on it this year.

Today is warm warm warm! Brunch with Michael at Sconehenge, grocery shopping at Berkeley Bowl, gym, and movie: Love Liza on DVD before bed...

Friday, July 11, 2003 :
good news...

US Senate votes to repeal Bush's Global Gag Rule!

and

FDA to force foods to reveal artery-clogging trans fat

Had a lovely roasted bell pepper salad for lunch before getting dressed up to go out: Dinner at Biscuits and Blues with Michael and Mark and then Urinetown, the Musical. Terrible name. Great show. See my pictures and hear song clips here. Also, see Michael sing. Sing, Michael, sing!

Wednesday, July 09, 2003 :
running on earl grey...

Only slept for 3 hours last night. Worked on my web site until late. Got to the gym around midnight. Did my usual routine. The reception guy was kind enough to lend me batteries for my CD player. Stayed up working on my web site some more until 3:30AM. Didn't fall asleep until 4AM. Had to get up at 7AM to get to Dr. Parrett's office for my semi-annual tooth-scraping. Fun! So I bought a $100 Sonicare toothbrush from him and some new shoes and socks from DSW Shoe Warehouse. Nothing like a little irresponsible spending to alleviate any feelings of maturity, adulthood, general grown-upness, that going to the dentist might have inflicted upon my childlike (childish?) spirit.

So okay, I drank this tea and this tea all day to stay awake and also to alleviate any extra whiteness that the hygienist might have inflicted upon my soon-to-be straightened smile. Having fun with hyperlinks today, I am. (Wow. Looks like no one owns the URL hyperlinks.com. Or maybe someone owns hyperlinks.com and wants ridiculous amounts of money for it.)

Tuesday, July 08, 2003 :
suffering...

Does it matter why? It's this persistent identification with my physical appearance. I'm clutched. Holding. My pants are too tight this morning. I've gained 4 pounds in the last 2 weeks. How is that possible? Round belly. Like a woman -- not a teenage boy. So what's wrong with that? Anyway, it matters, for whatever reason. So I suffer. I weep on the train. Dry hair falling out in the shower again. Chewing the inside of my mouth. Throat tight. Frown pulling waves of lines down my forehead. Oh, great. Just what I need. Another problem with my appearance. This HURTS! This really fucking hurts!

BART window is a mirror

I wonder what would happen if, as an experiment, I tried not looking in any mirror for 24 hours. How would that be? I can cover the mirrors at home. But it might be hard at Aunt Ann's. Mirrors over both bathroom sinks. And when I look down to wash my hands, I see my reflection in the chrome faucet. Even the window of the BART train is a mirror. And all the walls at the gym are covered with mirrors, but since I always take my glasses off when I work out, I think I can avoid them. I wonder how it would be to experience my body through senses other than sight.

Later: Well, this exercise is really a study in awareness. When I'm not present, I look in every mirror I pass automatically. When I'm really here, I feel the curl of my hair against my neck. Then resist the urge to look at it in the mirror. I feel the tightness of my waistline today and hold myself back from checking out my profile in the mirror. Then I give in. I look. The urge is so great to reassure myself that I'm not getting fat again.

I hear the words, "fat phobic," uttered with contempt by my large friends and feel ashamed. And I let myself feel the shame. And weep some more. I am not this body, dammit! And yet I can't let go. Like the monkey in the cage that could be free if it would just let go of the coconut (or whatever the desired object is -- I can't remember), I hold onto this body identity so tightly. Afraid that if I let go, I will fall into complete unattractiveness and lose... lose what? Security? Love? Having someone to touch me? We are not separate. Not really. Yet I feel so, so alone right now. But alive. Painfully, dreadfully alive.

Even Later: I've just spent a few hours in the Basement reading through old journals. The pain I feel today is nothing compared to a few years ago. The desperation is no longer here -- the sense of futility. I have left the journals in the Basement as a reminder of how things were. If you do decide to venture down there, be warned. Some of the stuff is pretty ugly.

Monday, July 07, 2003 :
awake but shivering...

Another cold day, white sky. When oh when will Summer come back? Was it me? Did I say something wrong?

2:30 appointment with Doctor Gray. Head still working but soooo tired. Cut back on Prozac even more.

Remembered to take a picture of this on the way to BART.

Lunch at Dolores Park Cafe with Ruby. Reconciled 4 months of bank statements for her while snacking on pitas and hummus. Convinced her to come with me to meditation group. What a good idea. Finally found a little warmth.

Un-PC photo of the day:

Sunday, July 06, 2003 :
and... sleep

sleep and more sleep...

personal watermelon...

sleep...

Mangalore salmon...

sleep...

gym...

and, let's see, how about some sleep...

Saturday, July 05, 2003 :
sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep

EAT (a lot) at Monte Cristo's Taqueria. Chile relleno platter with rice, black beans, quacamole, tortillas, and Mexican hot chocolate. Whew. Tired again.

Friday, July 04, 2003 :
I feel so independent today...

Alameda County Fair in Dublin. Warmth, funnel cakes, bad singing, baby animals, frozen yogurt, big cows and sooooommmmmeeee PIG! Then barbeque at Elyse's and fireworks in the street. SEE THE EXCITING PHOTOS HERE!!!

Thursday, July 03, 2003 :
doing the best we can...

We bought our tickets last night -- me and Michael -- for Hawaii! A funny 3-way phone conversation. Me on the phone at work, with the United Airlines ticket agent in one ear and Michael on my cell phone in the other. It went something like this:

Me: Are you still there?
Ticket agent: Yes, I'm here.
Me: No, I meant Michael.
Michael: Oh, yeah, I'm here.
Me: Michael, you want to leave at 9AM or 12pm? I don't know how early the train runs on Saturday.
Michael: Hold on. I'll check.
Me to agent: Michael's checking the train schedule.
Ticket agent: Okay.
Michael: The train leaves at 5AM. We can do it.
Me: But I don't want to get up that early.
Michael: We'll get to Hawaii sooner!
Me: Only 3 hours earlier.
Ticket agent: (Laughing.)
Me: Michael, let's go at 12. (To the agent:) We'll go at 12.
(Waiting for agent to enter the information. Waiting... waiting... waiting... wow, her computer must be slow. Waiting...)
Me: Are you waiting for me?
Michael: No.
Me: No, I meant the agent.
Ticket agent: Yes, have you decided?
Me: Oh, yes. I thought we were waiting for you. We'll go at 12.
(On and on like that until finally...)
Ticket agent: What is your companion's last name?
Me: Stoler.
Ticket agent: And let me guess, his first name is Michael.
Me: Right! (Laughing.)
Ticket agent: Now, what's his frequent flyer number?
Me: Michael, what's your frequent flyer number?
Michael: Hold on, I have to find it.
Me: Hold on, he has to find it...

Anyway, our trip will be Saturday August 9 - Saturday August 16. Holo Holo In, Volcanoes National Park on the Big Island. Swimming, hiking, heat, lava! Just hope I can get my abs in shape, like this cardboard hula girl I stole from the gym last week when the desk guy wasn't looking.

Next topic: I started reading Welcome to My Country, by Lauren Slater, on the train today. I got irritated with her book, Prozac Diary, but am hoping that this book will be different, since she is writing about her patients rather than only about herself. The first chapter is about a group of schizophrenic men with whom she does group therapy a couple of times a week. It's quite beautiful, actually, when against her training, she tries to let the men speak their own language (what the doctors call "word salad") and make emotional sense of it, rather than trying to convince them that they are merely delusional and need to stay in the "real world." It reminds me of a phrase that has become a sort of motto for me: We're all just doing the best we can with what we have.

Wednesday, July 02, 2003 :
my dollhouse

I listened to a really great City Arts & Lectures interview of Jonathan Safran Foer, author of Everything Is Illuminated. I will upload clips from the interview as well as comments when I have the time. Stay tuned. They'll be in the library.

Well, I guess that's the only thing. Doing this web site is so much fun! It's just like when I was a child and would spend hours in my room writing stories simply because it was fun! Not because I needed to impress anyone. It was like going on vacation in my head. It was almost an illicit act because at any moment I could be called away to dinner or bath or worse! And that's how I feel working on Beth's House. And since I have no room here to store the actual dollhouse that Pop Pop built for me, this will do!

Tuesday, July 01, 2003 :
what day is it?

Blogger's time is wrong! I'm writing this just before midnight on Monday night. I swear.

Worked on Ruby's web site all day -- again.

Big grocery delivery from Safeway but baby watermelon, anisette cookies, and Akmak crackers were missing.

Missed Monday night meditation group because I lost track of time doing web design. So much back and forth.

Baked a loaf of Cherry Cheddar Bread. It's delicious but has way more calories than I want to consume by myself. Will take it to work tomorrow.

Spent an hour tonight standing, hands in pockets, staring at my screensaver, listening to Luther Vandross' "Dance With My Father" on auto-repeat even though my feet were cold.

Listen. Please!

I'm so sad.

In-Line Skating Rink

previous laps

2001 & 2002 laps

links

Wednesday, July 30, 2003 :
look!

Tuesday, July 29, 2003 :
even more madness on public transit...

Monday, July 28, 2003 :
more bad boys on bart...

Sunday, July 27, 2003 :
freaky dreams... fine art... free food...

Saturday, July 26, 2003 :
fatigue... flying... function not fantasy... fun not fear... free food...

Friday, July 25, 2003 :
friday...

Thursday, July 24, 2003 :
disgusted...

Wednesday, July 23, 2003 :
illumination...

Tuesday, July 22, 2003 :
This is something to be happy about?

Monday, July 21, 2003 :
even more eating...

Saturday, July 19, 2003 :
another party...

Friday, July 18, 2003 :
I'm a web designer!

Thursday, July 17, 2003 :
comic relief...

Wednesday, July 16, 2003 :
reflections...

Tuesday, July 15, 2003 :
negotiations...

Monday, July 14, 2003 :
Peace on earth, good food and Goodwill towards me!

Sunday, July 13, 2003 :
Johnny Depp rocks!

Friday, July 11, 2003 :
good news...

Wednesday, July 09, 2003 :
running on earl grey...

Tuesday, July 08, 2003 :
suffering...

Monday, July 07, 2003 :
awake but shivering...

Sunday, July 06, 2003 :
and... sleep

Saturday, July 05, 2003 :
sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep

Friday, July 04, 2003 :
I feel so independent today...

Thursday, July 03, 2003 :
doing the best we can...

Wednesday, July 02, 2003 :
my dollhouse

Tuesday, July 01, 2003 :
what day is it?

In-Line Skating Rink

previous laps

2001 & 2002 laps

links

Tuesday, July 08, 2003 : suffering...

Tuesday, July 08, 2003 :
suffering...