In-Line Skating Rink

Sunday, August 31, 2003 :
kids and comfort food...

Soooo many children in one house today... 4 belong to Jess, 3 belong to Ellen, 2 belong to Jess' sister Kirstin, 3 belong to Jess' sister Laura, and one is a friend. I don't know whose he is. The kids sit at the giant kitchen table to eat their tuna casserole. The giant table is not giant enough. The adults sit wherever they can find room. There are biscuits and honey. There is a crazy weasel ball. There are gospel songs playing on the computer CD player, TV blaring in the living room, children screaming outside and in, and a painting of a cow and spider looking at you as if you were in an outhouse when you're sitting on the toilet. Later on there might be Hershey's fudge sauce. And yes, we have done a lot of work and will do more tonight. But in the mean time, it's nice to just sit surrounded by chaos and smile.

Saturday, August 30, 2003 :
miles away again...

Sitting at Ellen's computer in Beltsville, MD this morning. It's like a sauna outside. I LOVE it! Got here last night. This is what they feed you on a Southwest flight that is longer than 2 hours: 1 small bag of teddy bear graham crackers, 1 package of Ritz crackers with cheese, 1 package of oreo cookies, and soda. Yum! The guy next to me didn't want his, so I had that one too. Plus a crsipy chicken sandwich from the McDonald's drive-thru with Ellen at midnight. And fries. And coke... uh... diet coke. That's important.

Going with her today to do bookkeeping for the company of her MAN friend, Jess. That's the main reason I'm here and why they paid to have me come. Ellen's kids are beautiful and Ellen looks great. I'll post pictures when I can. I know you can't wait.

Thursday, August 28, 2003 :
wimper...

What is it about about blood and cramps and bloating that reduces one to her fundamental physicality? Exposes it. The veins in the back of my right hand are so thick and blue this morning. Ironic that this monthly indicator of a woman's ability to bear children shrinks her into a clinging, weepy baby herself. Is this why women traditionally are the emotional caretakers in heterosexual relationships? Because every 28 days or so we feel such an intense need to be taken care of? I want to knock a hole through a wall and spill my cereal! Please love me.

Wednesday, August 27, 2003 :
movie mania...

Check out the updated "Movies I've Seen This Year" page. It's prettier. And I've finally added the movies from the beginning of the year that were missing -- unimportant little things like Chicago or The Hours. I guess I was inspired by the arrival of my own personal DVD copies of those 2 movies. (Not that I liked them or anything.)

Also included is a funny little e-mail exchange between Will and me about Road to Perdition. I'd love to add YOUR comments about movies! Please e-mail me any opinions you have about these (or any other) movies. I will post them and give you full credit. (If you want it.)

What would I do without Netflix?

Tuesday, August 26, 2003 :
interview game...

See, kids, there's this game going around the Net called Interview Game. But you can only play it if you have a blog. So get a free blog at www.blogger.com and play along. It's easy and fun!

Monday, August 25, 2003 :
cookin'...

Got up and made myself some awesome miso soup and seaweed salad. I swear, the soup tasted just like that from a Japanese restaurant, only a little more special because of the shiitake mushrooms. Sat down and ate in the kitchen. Such a simple thing to do, and yet I could probably count on ten fingers the number of times I've sat at the table for a meal all by myself. I'm reminded of Don's grandmother years ago, who lived alone and said that she just wouldn't have respect for herself if she didn't set the table each day and sit down for a proper meal. Why is it hard? It's like meditating. Being still. Paying attention. Savoring. So much easier to eat in front of the computer. And yet, how many of those meals are memorable?

Sunday, August 24, 2003 :
energy management...

warm... sleepy... lethargic... heavy... managed to get out at 4:30pm to go to Berkeley Bowl... managed to lug groceries home (well, okay, Michael mostly managed that)... somehow managed to get down a chocolate/pecan praline frozen yogurt cone from Yogurt Park... managed to stay awake for another lame movie: XX/XY on DVD... managed to miss the Front Row street fair only 2 blocks from my apartment... and managed to get up at 3AM to put my forgotten aligners back in...

Saturday, August 23, 2003 :
all burned up...

Hiked around Lafayette Reservoir with Jan Goldenberg. Me in Tomi's Hawaiian tank top and US Army shorts. Michael in a pair of her khaki shorts. Slathered on the sunscreen -- a different kind -- and got totally fried. This is the burn I was afraid of getting in Hawaii! I told them that hiking around the reservoir reminded me of hiking around Kilauea Crater. Just imagine, I said, that the blue water down there is actually hardened lava and that the wind is blowing much harder. They didn't see it.

Went back to Jan's. Had a spectacular shower and watched DVD 25th Hour on his mondo gargantuan entertainment system with kick-you-in-the-head surround sound. Amazing how the right equipment can improve a so-so movie.

Friday, August 22, 2003 :
the friday report...

Got up at 6:30AM and went to the gym. Man, that was hard. My legs wouldn't move. My arms were like lead. Probably won't make THAT mistake again. Visited Ruby. Got a great massage. Tomi gave me a shirt someone had brought back from Hawaii. So it's almost like I got it there myself, right? Mark and Michael came over. Ordered pizza. Watched taped episodes of Queer Eye for the Straight Guy and Boy Meets Boy. Discussed getting Michael on that show. (The first one, silly!) I think he's pretty fine the way he is, but it sure would be nice to get some new stuff -- for free! Too tired to go home, so slept at Ruby's. Borrowed clothes the next day. But I'm getting ahead of myself...

Wednesday, August 20, 2003 :
rabbit rabbit...

Found this on the web and think we should all start doing it: http://www.harrumph.com/rabbit/

Also, I came across some creative gal web sites last night while surfin'. They are worth checking out if you have time. But if you only have a few minutes a day, stick to MY web site! My value as a human being depends on how many readers I have!

GIRL: A Page by Alex

Another Girl At Play

Loobylu

Harrumph!

Tuesday, August 19, 2003 :
the unbearable strangeness of being...

Strange that I'm back at work and nothing is different. It's almost as if I hadn't gone to Hawai'i. Except that people keep asking me about my vacation and commenting on my photos. But I am essentially the same as I was before I left. Curious that I expected something else. And interesting that I didn't realize I expected things to be different until I got back and found that they were not. I must have thought this trip would MEAN something. Something more than fun days and photos. I have fun days and photos here in the Bay Area. So I guess the profound meaning is that no matter where one goes or what one does, life is as meaningful or meaningless as it is anywhere else. Stay present, Beth, and let the changes wash over. Ride the waves, as it were. And stop grasping so much. Because in the end, there is nothing to grasp, is there?

Monday, August 18, 2003 :
memorization...

So I just finished posting our vacation photos: http://www.herweirdest.com/photos/big_island_2003_cover.htm and thinking about how much is lost the more you remember. These photos capture a handful of moments. The "beautiful" things. The things we want to be reminded of. But a year from now, or even a month, am I going to remember the freezing cold KTA store where we waited for Michael's wound cream; the grumpy United Airlines woman at SFO who told us sarcastically that "when you come to the airport, you have to READ" when we found ourselves in the wrong line; how we had to take our shoes off each time we entered the hostel; the discarded food someone left lying on the ground at Rainbow Falls and Michael picking it up and tossing it out; all the mongooses (mongeese?) that I thought at first were squirrels; the big fallen log along the beach at Hilo Bay Thursday night; putting on big blue body condoms (okay, plastic rain ponchos) to walk around Liliuokalani Gardens and Coconut Island; grains of sand and pebbles stuck in my sandals; having to remove my aligners every time I wanted to eat and often not having a place to brush my teeth again; the Hawaiian music on the radio; the classical music on the radio; Taro the dog and (Haro?) the cat; feeling impatient as we approached slower hikers out on the lava flows; the big, clean public restrooms in the Federal Building; the friendly volunteer with the mole on his face at the Volcano visitor's center; the hot and surprisingly strong showers at the hostel; the hot cocoa up on Mauna Kea and the fog down around the middle of the mountain; how we missed the turnoff to the observatory at first because of the fog and had to turn around and grope our way back; oh so many things... both pleasant and un-.

But now I am here. My brain will do what it does. Only certain memories will last. The only sure thing is what is happening right now. My fingers on the keyboard. The tea cooling off in the mug. The sound of a lawn mower outside my window. The growling in my stomach. And breath. Always breath. Until not.

Sunday, August 17, 2003 :
there's no place like home...

...but there's also no place like Hawaii. And who knows? Maybe the Big Island could be home someday. We were definitely NOT ready to leave. There were so many things still to do... including doing nothing but relaxing on the beach. We keep saying, "Next time." And I really think there will be a next time. Usually, I'd rather go somewhere I've never been before. But repeated meditation retreats at Santa Sabina have taught me that familiarity can be really nice, too.

Anway, I got my tattoo yesterday, and then we spent some time hanging out in the courtyard of the Hilo Public Library before it was time to go to the airport. The flight home was mainly uneventful. There was no meal service since the flight to SF was from 11:30pm to 7:30am, hours during which decent people are supposed to be sleeping, not eating. Humph! But the movie, Holes, was thoroughly entertaining. (Did I mention that we were subjected to From Justin to Kelly on the flight to HI?)

Surprisingly, we were allowed to bring a white pineapple back with us. (We thought it would be confiscated by the produce patrol at the airport, but they waved us on through.) So after taking a long nap this afternoon, we enjoyed our pineapple and then got to business being home again. Right now I'm working on getting photos up on the web. There are 135 of them, but I'll only post the best ones.

Saturday, August 16, 2003 :
starry starry night...

12:04pm: Drove up to Mauna Kea last night to see the stars. Emerged from the fog into the Milky Way. Unbelievable. The only other time I have seen so many stars was out in Death Valley a couple of years ago. But the thin air at 9000 feet really adds to the euphoria. It was exquisitely beautiful and exquisitely cold up there!

Also, yesterday, we finally saw a couple of sea turtles at the City of Refuge. They mostly stayed under water, but poked their heads up a bit for air.

Today is our last day on the Big Island. Tonight we return to the little island of Berkeley. This afternoon we are in Hilo, where we'll visit the Farmer's Market one last time as well as Rainbow Tattoo for a Happy Face Spider. Many photos to come when I get back tomorrow.

Aloha!

Friday, August 15, 2003 :
fishies and food...

2:30pm: We're in Kona. Sun sun sun. We just rode a submarine over the coral reef and saw lots of little fishies. No, we didn't see Nemo or his dad or Dory. But we saw some beautiful pairs of fish with red stripes (we can't remember if they are rainbow or butterfly fish) who mate for life. When one dies, the other stops eating until it dies also. Isn't that sweet? On the other hand, there's the fish that runs with a harem. When he dies, one of the females turns into a male and takes over the harem. I think I like that better.

Yesterday, we visited Akaka Falls and Rainbow Falls and had all kinds of food: ice cream. macnut cookies, moco loco (which is meat with rice and egg), pizza... what else? Lots more rain.

Now we're going to wander around Kona and then visit the City of Refuge. Tonight: Mauna Kea. We have our warm clothes with us. Then, tomorrow, Hilo some more. I found some good photos of Happy Face Spiders, so I guess I'll be coming home with another crawly critter tattooed to my hide. Our plane leaves at 8:30pm tomorrow. Will try to write once more before we leave.

Aloha for now.

Thursday, August 14, 2003 :
itching!!

Gotta hurry. All eaten up by mosquitoes at the Rainforest Zoo. Now we're going up to see the waterfall and then find some sun.

Yesterday rained all day. Spent the day looking for a clinic to take care of this:

Pele tried him Tuesday night and spat him back out. Lucky me.

Also, went to the Hilo Farmer's Market. Tried jackfruit. Yucky and slimy. But had some great banana bread and bought more apple bananas. Found some more good ice cream. Looked for Hawaiian shirt for Michael, but he can't find the exact right one. Came home and made dinner at the hostel: Purple sweet potatoes with eggplant, green pepper, tofu, with Brian's delicioso teriyaki sauce. Mango and chocolate chip/mac nut cookies. Met some new people staying at the hostel. A family that speaks French, lucky for Michael. Also an inspector on fishing boats. What else did we do yesterday? Liliuokalani Gardens. Great big banyan trees. Um... and just lotsa lotsa rain.

Wednesday, August 13, 2003 :
fire and rain...

11:01AM: Back at Beach Dog Internet Cafe. Spent most of yesterday driving around the Puna District searching in vain for a good beach. Found a (gasp again!) drive-through Starbucks! That's right, folks. Got my venti iced soy chai latte, light ice and only 3 pumps of chai, without having to get out of the car. Finally, last night, we made our way to the FIRE!

Today we are in Hilo in the rain. But it's warm. And we'll eat some good food, find the Farmer's Market, Japanese gardens maybe, a waterfall perhaps, and who knows what else.

Tuesday, August 12, 2003 :
tuesday...

12pm: Yesterday was spectacular! We hiked about 10 miles. The floor of Kilauea caldera is like the moon, if the moon were black. And sparsely covered with tenacious little plants. Very surreal landscape. I would have tasted the ohelo berries, but Michael thought I oughtn't. We took a lot of pictures. Which is why we are now at the Beach Dog Internet Cafe in Hilo waiting to transfer pictures to a CD-ROM so that we can take some more today! The weather yesterday was perfect. Blue skies. Warm, but not too hot. Breezy.

This morning we woke up to rain. But here in Hilo the skies are blue again. We're going to explore the Puna District... Lava Tree park, find Hilo Homemade Ice Cream and a good beach somewhere. Tomorrow we plan to spend in Hilo and Thursday a snorkeling trip? Oh, and we have to get the the big waterfall! And Mauna Kea observatory. And glowing hot lava. And... and... everything will be great if I can just stop being so bossy all the time.

Monday, August 11, 2003 :
monday...

10:16AM: Well, we didn't have to go into Hilo for an internet cafe last night. There's one right down the street from us in the park! The Lava Rock cafe. So, we're here getting sandwiches -- fresh fish and mahi mahi (does that mean the mahi mahi is not fresh?). And now we're off to hike around the rim of Kilauea and then across the crater floor. We got rain ponchos in the general store next door, we have our sandwiches, plenty of water and sunscreen, and guess what! It's not raining! Yet.

This cafe closes at 5pm, so I probably won't be adding more to this entry today. More tomorrow.

Sunday, August 10, 2003 :
sunday...

We found an internet cafe in Hilo. 8:09pm. Drove all the way around the island. "Reconoitering." It rained all night last night. We are staying on the cooler, rainer side of the island. Farmer's market this morning. Got "apple bananas," bread, tomatoes, sweet potatoes, eggplant, and terriyaki sauce. One of these evenings we're gonna have a great meal in the big kitchen in the hostel.

The Holo Holo In hostel is run by a Japanese guy named Satoshi. No shoes inside. Easy for me, since I have sandals. Not so convenient for Michael.

We found delicious macadamia nut popcorn and chocolate, and also great pineapple. Eating and driving... eating and driving... What did we see? Um... the rim of Kilauea crater, down to the Southernmost point in the United States, skipped the green sand beach, weren't too thrilled about the black sand beach, found a white sand beach (Haipuna) that was heavenly. Didn't have my swim suite on but got wet anyway.

Found a chai latte at Starbuck's on the way back. Gasp! (You come all the way to Kona to go to Starbuck's?)

It's dark now, but we might still go out to the lava flows tonight. We'll see. Hopefully not so much driving tomorrow. Hiking! We've got plenty of water. NO way to post pictures. Will do it when we come back.

Saturday, August 09, 2003 :
all tingly inside...

1:53AM: Just finished packing while watching How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days on DVD. Easy, mindless comedy. What to do now? Try to sleep? Impossible. Take out the garbage? Watch another video? Hmmm... I could meditate. Or not. I bet Michael's not having trouble falling asleep. That boy can sleep any time anywhere.

Friday, August 08, 2003 :
one more day before getting lei'd!

Last night was the Battle of the Bar Bands at the Omni hotel. Bar, as in barrister, not Bacardi. Some guys from Michael's law firm played at this thing, where there was free food and many (mostly white) people sweatin' to the oldies. Kind of like going to someone else's 20-year high school reunion. Michael had put together some Power Point presentations of the song lyrics, which he projected on a screen beside the stage. I got to play with the video camera, and was having too much fun to take still pictures. Sorry, nothing to show you.

I'm typing this on Michael's office computer while waiting for him to finish up. It's 6:13pm. This is a really nice keyboard. I just came from The Resource Center, where I did 3 hours of bookkeeping and web editing. When we leave the office, there will be ice cream at Thrifty, a bus ride home, a workout at the gym, packing, and then trying to sleep! I will not take Xanax! I will not take Xanax! Maybe I'll watch a video tonight. How can I possibly sleep?

Wednesday, August 06, 2003 :
all that jazz...

Alas, our free tickets to Chicago at the Golden Gate Theater were not waiting for us at Will Call as they were supposed to be. After a bit of confusion, the ticket manager found them in the Thursday file. Indeed, they were dated Thursday, August 7 -- not Wednesday, August 6. I presented the email, showing that we were entitled to tickets tonight, so we got tickets. Upper balcony 1 row away from the ceiling. The dancing was great, but the sound sucked. I can't tell you if the show was any good because I couldn't hear it! I won't be posting anything about this show in the Performance Space. Fortunately, I saw a fantastic production of Chicago from the 10th row Orchestra when it came here a few years ago, so I'm not too disappointed.

Tuesday, August 05, 2003 :
disbarred...

Years ago, Olivia told me that back when she was Art, before she identified as female, she learned to meditate in prison. She says she looked up from her position on the floor of her cell, and suddenly "the bars had no meaning." Nights like this, my own self-created bars feel so real, my heart clenched up, my jaw frozen. Did I remember to take my drugs?

Monday, August 04, 2003 :
look who I saw...

...on my way to the gym after Monday night meditation group:

Mark says she looks airbrushed. Ya think?

Sunday, August 03, 2003 :
a couple of guests...

The first one -- expected but not particularly welcome. Struggled home from Michael's this morning with wrenching cramps. How beautiful to be female. Settled down with Advil and some breakfast and a shower. Cramps subsided in time for second guest -- Jon Bernie -- come to work on Satsang web site with me. Nice to have people visit my little home. And nice to have Michael bring over a free burrito this afternoon.

Saturday, August 02, 2003 :
sun and sleep...

Wandering around North Berkeley... a gospel singer in a church, a taste of wine at Grapeleaf Winery, warm sun, an Art Gym, a commuter Amtrak train, 4th Street, a glue factory with a picture of cherries on its sign, tasty tidbits at the Cheese Shop, a chocolate shake from Fosters Freeze, and back to Michael's. A nap. A silly video: Orgazmo. Another nap. Another silly video: Austin Powers in Goldmember. And... sleep.

Friday, August 01, 2003 :
more blossoms...

Mark, Sharon, Theresa came to my CLEAN apartment. Brought food: chips & salsa, cherries & chocolate, focaccia, gorp, hummus and pitas and guacamole and wine. Mmmmmmm... Stretched out on sofa, futon, floor. Watched videotape, Eckhart Tolle: The Flowering of Human Consciousness. See?

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