In-Line Skating Rink

Friday, February 27, 2004 :
why i haven't written all week...

Actually, that's a lie. I haven't been slothful at all this week. Very busy. Michael found this picture to use as the basis for his Slug Man and Sloth Girl comic book. Wish he would get off his butt and actually do it, but I think he's too sluggish. Or is it slothful? Maybe he's Sloth Man and I'm Slug Girl. But I don't think I can deal with the slime.

So, did anyone else read the article on "Cinema Therapy" in the East Bay Express? At the moment, you can find the article here: http://www.eastbayexpress.com/issues/current/feature.html/1/index.html, but that address looks temporary, doesn't it? I guess you'll have to check the archives if you click this link later and get a different article. Anyway, I guess I've been having my own private Cinema Therapy ever since I signed up for Netflix. And this month, with Oscars coming up in 2 days, has been particularly intense. Depression. Addiction. Violence. Loss. And as I mentioned last Friday, watching my own reactions to these things has been interesting. Wondering why all this violence leaves me cold.

Which brings me to the movies for this week. The antidote to the cold heart. Kmeelyon's comment last Friday was, "you want tears? get yourself to see "in america," already!" Kmeelyon was right!!! I went to see In America on Monday night after meditation. Okay, I know that having come from meditation group might have affected the way I received the movie. But leaving the theater, I swear, colors were brighter; downtown sparkled! I could have skipped down the sidewalk(and probably did!) Such heart! Such warmth! I cried and was happy! I'd see it again if anyone wants to go with me!

And another movie I'd see again is The Triplets of Belleville, which I just saw tonight with Susan. Fantastically weird, amazing animation! A great story. Now, I loved Finding Nemo, but I was thinking tonight about what makes a movie like Triplets so much more satisfying. And I think it's that it doesn't take anything for granted, like Disney movies do. So many weird, delicious details make the characters not just fun but actually interesting.

It's just occuring to me right now how similar those 2 stories are: in both cases the son gets captured and the parent figure has to go find and rescue him. And in both cases, at least one parent is dead: Nemo's mother and both of Champion's parents. But in the Nemo story, the setup is short and cliched, as I recall. Father and mother find a home, lay some eggs, eggs and mother get eaten except for Nemo and Dad. Right? (Trying to remember.) Sad sad sad. But where are the details? Disney takes for granted the whole family values thing. They don't bother trying to make you care for the characters. It's prepackaged emotion. Like Bambi. Kill Mom = Instant Sadness. Whereas, in Triplets, we don't know what happened to the parents. But what we see are all the details of the grandmother and grandson together in their weird little house and all the things she does to try and make him happy. It's the expressiveness and quirkiness of the characters that make us care. The dog going upstairs every 15 minutes to bark at the train. The grandmother's whiskers. Her whistle. Her vacuuming Champion's calf muscles. Okay, now I'm giving too much away. Just GO SEE THIS MOVIE! Or call me, and I'll go with you!

Sunday, February 22, 2004 :
anatomy of a sunday afternoon...

Michael in papasan chair reading NY Times and listening to NPR

Saturday, February 21, 2004 :
blasny blasny...

"In my country, stupid people are valued! If not sure what to do, ask a stupid
person!... Then do opposite!" -- The Foreigner

For some reason I just can't bring myself to describe our day in complete sentences. 3pm: Snacks at Mark Peters' house. Drawings of Kaui. Phone conversation with Will. 4:30pm: Drive to Pacifica with Sharon. 5:30pm: Dinner at Nona's Kitchen with Sharon, Mark, Michael, Jon Bernie, Teresa, Kenneth, Katherine, & Joe. Butternut squash soup. Salmon and spinach. Strawberries and cream. Ravenswood merlot. Eating Michael's sausage. Oh my. Eating Michael's nuts. Oh my oh my. Eating Michael's muscles... I mean mussels. Sheesh! 7pm: Watching Jon Bernie knit a hat. 8:00pm: Watching Paul Wells as Owen Musser in "The Foreigner." Pacifica Spindrift Players. Laughter and general hilarity. Much fun. 11pm: Rainy drive home.

A genuinely nice day. So why does it feel so strange to report these things?

Friday, February 20, 2004 :
City of Violent Children of God...

Saw City of God today with Tomi. What a difference in the Oscar movies from last year to this. Last year -- so much color and richness: Chicago, The Hours, Far From Heaven, even The Pianist had a certain warmth. This year, by contrast, the films are stark, cold. What can you expect with titles like Cold Mountain, The Cooler. Even in the violent films like City of God and 21 Grams... there's a kind of chilling numbness that sets in. Nothing has brought tears. Maybe the difference is in me this year? How is it that one watches little 6-year olds shoot one another without being moved? The tone of these films is different somehow. More like reading the newspaper than a novel. There's a grainy, frenetic quality that engages the intellect without reaching the heart. My heart anyway. Where did all this barbed wire come from?

Wednesday, February 18, 2004 :
idols...

"Cross over children. All are welcome. All welcome. Go into the Light. There is peace and serenity in the Light."

2 more idol contenders get to go through that door. Scary. How do you tell yourself it's not real when every nerve in your body is buzzing? The vicarious thrill of millions watching. Such raw energy. Juice. And then, when it's suddenly sucked back out again... who or what is left standing after that? Who's going to remind these kids to breathe?

*****************************

Another movie tonight: Cold Mountain. Thoughts: Major melodrama. But at least Nicole Kidman and Jude Law get to do it before he dies. (Oops, that was a spoiler. So sorry!)

Tuesday, February 17, 2004 :
weather...

Dad called today. He's taking Mom and David to Hawaii tomorrow for a month. He says she's cold, and all she wants to do these days is sit by the fire and eat chocolate. Mmmmmm... Me too. Come home through the wind and rain, light my candles, and watch American Idol with a mug of sugar-free cocoa. Try not to set off the smoke alarm again tonight. How to find meaning in any of this? And what do I mean by "meaning?"

Service. Usefulness. Washing dishes feels good. Being nice to Michael. Is that all there is? Nights like this, the emptiness is so vast... but not in a profound sense. Or maybe it is profound, but this depression keeps me from feeling it. Or maybe I'm just distracted by too many car commercials and ads for text messaging. Such power all through this house. We are WIRED. And for what? For what use?

Weather. Storms. Electricity. Data packets. The world becoming one great big branded mind. Communication, right? But what are we saying? What are we hearing? Sound bytes. Not too many words but power concentrated into an empty few. And I buy and I buy... Wow, look at that coat. Those buttons. These earrings. Candles. More movies. Books. Feed me more more more more more... substance... because I'm sooooo afraid of the void. As soon as I finish this book, I'll meditate. Okay, this is the last one. Then I'll be quiet. Okay? I just have to check my weight once more. My hair. Teeth.

I know what I know. And still I run. Okay, so tonight I'm running. I'm sitting at the computer typing these words, but in my mind, I'm sitting in a papasan chair with my legs crossed and eyes closed, breathing. Who ever heard of anything so absurd?

Sunday, February 15, 2004 :
what to do on a gray day...

Finally! Here are the photos from the housewarming party in January. http://www.coloringthevoid.com/photos/2004Housewarming01.htm The third page contains beautiful black and white photos taken by Teresa.

Now, what else can I accomplish today... ? Flyer for retreat... scan photos for Dad... start online Javascript class... put together housewarming scrapbook and finally clear off the card table... so many EXTREMELY IMPORTANT things to do!! Maybe I'll teach myself to crochet.

Saturday, February 14, 2004 :
Happy Valentine's Day...

Friday, February 13, 2004 :
smells like Haight street...

I made these tonight during Aunt Ann's candle-making party at Waxen Moon on Polk Street. They really burn!

Thursday, February 12, 2004 :

At 11:06 this morning at SF's City Hall, Phyllis Lyon, 79, left, and Del Martin, 83, made history by becoming the first same-sex couple to be officially married in the U.S.. The ceremonies, sanctioned by Mayor Newsom in direct defiance of state law, continued throughout the day with at least 15 same-sex weddings performed at City Hall.

Wednesday, February 11, 2004 :
fall...

Your separation from God has ripened.
Now fall
Like a golden fruit
Into my hand.

Hafiz

This depression I feel every night as I return home on BART. No more work to distract me. Just my old depressing self. Relax, Beth, into feeling like crap. And somehow the crap starts to be okay.

Tuesday, February 10, 2004 :
impermanence...

Vicki's birthday party today was a challenge to my South Beach diet willpower, but I think I fairly succeeded. Then later, sitting in my office alone at the computer, the song, "Impossible," by Joe Nichols, one of the singers on Jo Anne's country music station, came through my ears...

...In thirteen years I'd never seen him cry,
But the day that grandpa died, I realized:

Unsinkable ships sink.
Unbreakable walls break.
Sometimes the things you think could never happen,
Happen just like that.
Unbendable steel bends.
If the fury of the wind is unstoppable,
I've learned to never underestimate,
The impossible.

OK, sappy, right? Just like most country/western songs. And I'm starting to PMS. But still... I suddenly had this vision, or feeling... sensation... of being so very very small... party of Dan Leone's "humanonymity" maybe... who is just realizing how fragile, impermanent, everything is... but mostly how this realization has been made billions and billions of times by people since the beginning of people... a sea of tiny awakenings... and how it would go on and on as long as there are people... and how actually small and un-unique each of us is from the perspective of the universe...

In 21 Grams, Benicio del Toro loves to quote the Bible passage about how God knows when even 1 hair on your head moves. Incomprehensible, yeah? And yet it's just the complexity of the universe. Too much for a human mind to comprehend. Filtering out things is crucial for sanity. Editing things down to manageable proportions. The problem is believing that the small chunk you carve out for yourself is all there is. Believing in your mind... that's the path to a very rude awakening.

How in the world to close the door enough to live and yet leave it open enough for possibility? How indeed?

Monday, February 09, 2004 :
humanonymity...

"There are some things sadder than a lifeless mass of humanonymity emerging from underground into a dead grainy midwinter twilight." (dan leone, Cheap Eats, Feb 4-10 SF Bay Guardian)

And then I went to see 21 Grams at the Empire theater in West Portal. Aside from Benicio del Toro, another disppointment. A better movie: Levity, but who's making comparisons? I just came from Monday night meditation, for heaven's sake!

:
What are they thinking?

Well, the frantic drive to see all the Oscar-nominated movies before the awards show has begun. Ruby is having her annual Academy Awards party and Oscar pool on Sunday the 29th. (I'm shocked, SHOCKED that gambling is going on there!) Well, it's not really gambling if you're educated, right? That's why I have to see as many of the nominees as I can beforehand. And since I've got free passes to AMC, Century, and the Elmwood, I could actually come out ahead if I win the pot!

So here's the depressing news. I have no desire to see 3 of the 5 Best Picture nominees: Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King; Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World; and Sea Biscuit. Ech! I just saw Mystic River last night, and while I thought it was a cut above, it's certainly not Best Picture material in my book. And why was Marcia Gay Harden nominated over Laura Linney, whose performance I thought was really amazing. Lost in Translation, which Michael and I saw a few months ago, is beautiful. But again, Best Picture? And why oh why didn't they nominate Finding Nemo?!?!?

Michael said he thought the awards should be democratic -- based on sales rather than the votes of a few elite members of the Academy. I countered that then many of the movies I like would not get awards. And he asked, "Why should they?" I had to remind him that I am always right.

So anyway, these are the movies I've already seen: Lost in Translation, Mystic River, Pirates of the Caribbean, Whale Rider, Monster, Thirteen, Finding Nemo, American Splendor, Big Fish, and Capturing the Friedmans. Here are the ones I intend to see before 2/29:

House of Sand and Fog
Cold Mountain
In America
21 Grams
Pieces of April
City of God
The Barbarian Invasions
Triplets of Belleville

Anyone care to join me for any of these?

Besides TLOTR, Master and Commander, and Sea Biscuit, here are the movies I am simply not interested in:

Something's Gotta Give
The Cooler
The Last Samurai
Girl with a Pearl Earring
A Mighty Wind
Brother Bear

Has anyone else seen these movies? Did you like it enough to recommend it? (I've already gotten 2 negative reports on Something's Gotta Give.)

Also, I am interested in the other foreign language films and documentaries, but I just don't think there will be time.

Sunday, February 08, 2004 :
Who stole my nightgown?

The Grammy Awards were held tonight. Look what I missed while out watching Mystic River in Walnut Creek:

Ask me if I care.

Friday, February 06, 2004 :
South Beach...

It's too damned cold! Wish we were in someplace warm. Like Hawaii. Or even Florida. So I started the South Beach Diet on Sunday. (Okay, that was a stretch.)

Why oh why am I doing a diet? Because I got totally strung out on Hershey's miniatures and kisses during the holidays, and I need to detox -- Cold Turkey! (Isn't that an alcoholic beverage? Oops. Can't have those on the South Beach diet. Oh, it's Wild Turkey? Never mind.)

There are 3 phases. The 1st phase lasts 2 weeks, during which you can't have any starchy foods. Which really means no grains (bread, pasta, rice, etc.) or root vegetables (potatoes, carrots, pumpkin, turnips, etc.) You can have meat and dairy, but only lean and reduced fat versions. That makes finding recipes difficult, since most are either low carb or low fat but not both. Fortunately, the South Beach web site has all kinds of recipes, some of which are pretty good.

All week I've had mini spinach quiche cups for breakfast and no-pasta lasagne for lunch. The lasagne uses strips of eggplant instead of pasta and is quite tasty! So tasty, in fact, that I have added it to the Dining Room, which hasn't had an update in months.

Tuesday, February 03, 2004 :
something else I did today...

Thanks to David Richardson at The Hair Studio. (415) 433-2410.

Well, what do you think?

:
in my inbox this morning...