Thank you

Alanis Morissette has a song called, "Thank You." The refrain goes:

Thank you India
Thank you terror
Thank you disillusionment
Thank you frailty
Thank you consequence
Thank you thank you silence

Here's my version. I think the sentiment is the same:

Thank you injury
Thank you anger
Thank you disappointment
Thank you weak knee
Thank you hopelessness
Thank you thank you descent

It's looking more and more like I won't be doing the 1/2 marathon on the 30th. I saw Dr. Augé yesterday. She thinks the knee problem is being caused by a rigid hip flexor combined with a deformed right foot. Well, she never actually used the word "deformed." But she did say my feet are unusual. She gave me a series of exercises to do and then worked on my right leg all the way from the bottom of the foot to the top of the hip. What she did hurt like hell. But when it was over, my leg felt looser and freer than it ever has. And the foot pointed forward instead of to the right.

Dr. Augé said she couldn't guarantee that I'd be able to do the 1/2 marathon on the 30th. When I asked when I could start running again, she said I could try whenever the knee felt better but to not overdo it.

So tonight I tried. I mapped out a 1-mile loop around Aunt Ann's and planned to run it 3 times. As I approached the office after the 1st loop, feeling pretty sure that I'd be able to do it again, BANG! There was the pain again. CRAP!!!! I limped to the back door and came inside.

So what can I do? My pride and my ego have taken a beating this week. I spent Sunday consoling myself with huge bowls of angel hair pasta and chocolate pudding. Now I have to get real. I'm not giving up. I just have to change my strategy. I've learned that I can create a plan and stick to it. Now, I need another plan. This one will not be as exciting, but I'll do it.

I've got exercises to do several times a day; and I'll do them. I need to find an alternative type of cardio workout to keep my heart and lungs in shape while I'm healing my leg. (Swimming? Can I do the elliptical trainer without pain?) And I have an appointment with a physical therapist at Kaiser in a week and a half (less than that if Dr. Augé can get them to fit me in sooner.)

So why the Thank You song? Because the real goal here is not to run a 1/2 marathon or marathon. Those are just targets to get me moving. The real goal is learning. Learning to listen to my body and give it what it needs. Learning to make a plan and stick to it, but also learning to be flexible when circumstances cause the plan to be changed. Learning not to give up in frustration in the face of disappointment. Basically, growing up and learning how to deal. I don't have kids to teach me these things. I've got to learn them myself.

I still plan to run a 1/2 marathon and marathon. I just don't know when they will happen. Anyway, the title of this blog is "Beth Runs!" Not "Beth Runs 26.2 Miles!" So it's definitely not over yet!